The Treasure Behind the Mask
I was convinced that if I could just be anyone but me, my life would be so much better. I learned the art of hiding behind a mask.. I thought if I could just hide the real me, then I would be loved and I would be safe from harm. One thing I know now is that God is not ashamed of me or my story. He loves me for who I am, and I don’t have to pretend to be anybody else.
“My Flesh and My Heart May Fail” But God
Control became my idol, although I didn’t recognize it as such for many years. I believed that if I managed my body, I could manage my life — and maybe win people’s approval. But the truth was, I was enslaved to lies. My identity was rooted in performance, not in God’s unchanging love.
To Wrestle with God
Every day that I wrestled with the Lord in doubt, denial, faintheartedness, grief, or grumbling, I can now look back on with joy, because He met me there, and He has overcome
Reframing
I sit at the kitchen table alone, stewing in my feelings. I saw a pen and grabbed it. I begin writing on the napkin. As I begin to write the words “angry” and “ashamed,” I begin to wonder… “Where are these feelings coming from?” and “Are they from God?”
The enemy wanted to steal the joy of that memorable experience and he knows temptation of restriction is the most powerful way to steal my joy.
The Name of Jesus
That day in the hardware store, the Holy Spirit took hold of me, marched me to the back of the store, and placed me face-to-face with the reckless and troubled soul who I’d once feared.
Then He did something Profoundly Beautiful for both of us. He set us free.
Whether I am on the right path or stumbling through my life, the Lord gives me His name.
New Every Morning
I don't think God does “New Year”... at least not the world’s concept of it. You see, this is His way, “New Every Morning!”
Every day, every moment, He is saying, “Come, receive whatever you need, accepted, beloved child. I delight in you.”
The Apple of His Eye
That is who we are. We are made to be seen and known because we are made for a God who sees and knows. It’s just who we are. It’s our identity. Taking these things and moving them from head to heart, and from brain to central nervous system, are essential parts of recovery.
A Beautiful Spirit
Barbara’s appearance by the world’s standards would have been labeled as “too large,” “needs to lose weight,” or maybe “obese;” and yet to me, Barbara’s size simply seemed irrelevant. The gentle confidence and kindness in which she carried herself stood out far more to me than her size.
My Secret Struggle
No one would ever know my secret. And to be honest with you, I really felt like this was all normal because it's really all I ever knew. I felt very safe in my own cage, but I really wasn’t free at all.
The Mind of Christ
So how can I walk in victory when the heaviness of old thought patterns and disordered eating habits are rampid? I challenge you to begin a new habit today, come into the presence of your Savior, Redeemer, and Friend; declare to Him, "I can't but You can, I need You Jesus."
Where I Belong
Almost immediately after I started eating, my life, my creativity, and my heart started to stir, like a bear stirring out of a long hibernation. The cave where I had stored the pieces left behind by my rationing, burst into life and started growing and blooming in ways I didn’t think possible.
The Joy in the Journey
If God had told me five years ago that I would be leading prayer groups about body image issues, I would have frozen in place. “No thank you, God. That is the last thing I see myself doing or have any desire to do, ever!” I was right in the middle of the hardest part of my recovery journey.
Maybe You’re Not Going Crazy
It was a downright heavy day, and I couldn’t pinpoint why. I couldn’t find an explanation for the heavy feelings of dread, self-loathing, and hopelessness that consumed me out of nowhere. I was sobbing as I grabbed my prayer journal to process this with Jesus.
Cleaning out the Lies
To embrace the beauty God has for me in our moves, I am learning I need to take care of the body I was given. It takes time, sometimes years to uncover and replace lies that we have believed for so long. But let us not give up!
Lessons From the Grey
I was very much a “doer.” Tell me what to do to help my daughter and I will do it, give me a checklist please! There is no checklist for this! I have had to learn more how to “be.” Ugh, I could thrive as a human “doing” yet that is not what my daughter needed.