Hi! I’m on the downhill slope of recovery from anorexia, yet I’m frustrated with my weight. I’m slightly overweight from bingeing, and I’d like to lose it. I’m not fully recovered yet (hair’s still falling out, still no menstrual cycle, and still emotional problems), but I’m tired of weighing this much. I’m in high school, and I don’t want to spend high school overweight. Please help. I don’t want to get back into my past horror of being underweight, yet I don’t like being this way either. I’m afraid to diet, but I want to be healthier. (anonymous)
Dear friend,
It’s very normal to go through some periods of frustration during the recovery process from an eating disorder. I’m assuming that you are seeing a counselor to help you address your struggles and triggers for bingeing. It’s not just a matter of willpower; you have to uncover the root issues and patterns of thinking that lead to a binge.
That said, let’s talk about your concerns about your current weight. From the physical symptoms you describe, it sounds like your body is still recovering from past poor nutrition. It can be hard to feel good about your appearance when you’re losing hair. My question to you is this: are you truly at a weight now that would be considered unhealthy, or is it more that you are unhappy with your looks?
With a history of anorexia, your perceptions about your weight might still be off; you may think you look bigger than you are. The article “Understanding Body Types” might help you put weight/size in perspective. Assuming, however, that you have gained too much weight due to bingeing, the best thing to do is to continue to work with your counselor. As you reduce and eventually eliminate the number of binges—and eat healthfully—your weight will stabilize as well.
Your fears about going on a diet are well founded. Dieting doesn’t work in the long run, and it can promote disordered eating. You definitely don’t want to go down that path. You are at an age now at which you can develop lifelong healthy eating patterns and habits. I encourage you to read some of the articles in the “Eat Well, Live Well” section of this site, starting with “What Is Healthy Eating?” Progress through the section, even if you only read one article per week. Feel free to write back with more questions afterwards.
The bottom line is that as girls and women, we need to stop measuring our success in life by what the number on the scale says. Without focusing on your weight, you can have a rich, fun, meaningful high school experience. Strive to live a life of peace and balance, and your weight will eventually fall to the place that is just right for your body. Keep making progress—you’ll get there!
Blessings,
Ann