I am a 45 year old woman with a great career, but I cannot get a grip on eating and am “tall and too thin.” I keep losing weight and am scared but can’t stop. Have 5 Drs. telling me different things. I can’t get a grip, and my bones are protruding, etc. What recommendations would you give at this point? I am embarrassed at this point as an attractive and professional business woman in community. Also been in AA Recovery 17 years. Thanks – L.
Dear L.,
I have heard it said and seen it written that recovery begins on the very first day the person begins thinking: “I’ve got to do something about this.” Something is being done. You are realizing that you can not “get a grip” on your own. Apparently, you have seen a medical professional or two. And you have an opportunity to take advantage of what you have already accomplished for over 17 years in another area of your life. You know change. You know what it means to stop. To walk the talk.
Due to the fact that you mentioned “bones protruding” and the broken nature of the text in the note I am concerned about how YOU are thinking and feeling right now. I have made a positive statement above overall but do not know how YOU really feel. So, if you are very upset, considering harming yourself in any way, or have a persistent feeling of wanting to give up, depression, or suicidal thoughts please go directly to your nearest emergency room for evaluation. Next, it is important that a licensed medical doctor in your area evaluate your overall health and check for any possible negative effects occurring as a result of your stress and disordered eating.
Listen. Something is happening that tells you things are out of control or not what you want. You apparently may want something different. Keep track of exactly what is happening or has happened in the recent past that has pushed you to consider what to do “next” as you write in your question. The details of what got you to write, to question what to do, is worth continuing and specifying and finding out.
Please consider returning to an AA support group, reconnecting with a positive sponsor and “checking” your self. Own your story. Own your choices. Accept that you may have been choosing to do some things on your own will and you must acknowledge that first step (which I am sure you know so well). One step at a time! Also, consider finding an eating disorder specialist in your area to begin healing work. Most eating disorders professionals are versed in addiction and recovery issues as well and will speak to all the parts of who you are. See “Finding Treatment.”
You have been able (per your brief letter) to gain self change before. Although you may be faced with a situation that demands your attention consider that it may actually be an invitation to return you to working the steps, to understanding who you are, and what you can do.
Good stepping to you,
Leanne