I’ll just admit it. I’m a tight-wad. And I’m not just talking about money. This has been part of my eating disorder, too. I don’t feel like I deserve things. I want to prove my worth by living on less: less food, less water, less sleep, less money. But lately, God has been confronting me with the idea of generosity, towards others, towards him, and towards myself. Can I let go and let God? Can I open up my fists and trust Him? God is Creator, Provider, Giver. Will I let Him be these things?
Yes, God. I choose you.
So, two or so weeks ago, after a sermon on church about money, I ordered vitamins which I had put off buying because of money concerns. The vitamins were not vital to my survival, I argued, so they could wait.
But the vitamins could help your mood and promote recovery, the Spirit argued.
So I bought the vitamins.
This past Sunday, after a sermon on Luke 12:13-34 covering the topics of money and worry, I went out and bought pizza and salad for lunch instead of going home to cook. Giving myself permission not to cook meant I could stop obsessing about finding a healthy recipe to make. I could enjoy something I didn’t have on a regular basis. I could rest.
Tuesday, I planned to eat leftovers for dinner, but my friend wanted to go out to eat. Save money and stay home, I argued.
God says to be generous, the Spirit argued. What if God is asking you to be generous with your time and go to dinner with your friend? What if God is asking you to give your money, not to a charitable cause, but to the cause of promoting relationship with your friend?
The Spirit’s voice won out. I went to dinner.
I am frugal. I want to honor God through wise use of my finances. God’s kingdom needs to be my first priority, though. When I become obsessed with “less”, I disregard God’s good gifts in my life. I act as if I can earn God’s favor and love. I make “less” into an idol instead of focusing on God and what more He might have for me in His kingdom.
RELATED:
Freedom From Fear, by Ruth Povey
Moving Toward Balance: Healthy Goals, by Constance Rhodes
The Daily Vitamin, a daily devotional resource to help you seek God’s truth and find balance