He Wants Me to do This

Maybe I have no business doing this. God, how do I know I’m doing what you want me to do?

For the third day this week, my hands felt clammy, my heart felt tired and my brain seemed to be stuffed with cotton. I’m a writer and I was wordless. I am a recovered anorexic and still not sure that I have any encouragement to offer other women struggling with eating issues.

On Monday, I met the therapist whose office I am using to host a Gathering. We set up some extra chairs and prayed over the space and each woman who might bring her brokenness to our fellowship that evening. When I arrived, she was bidding farewell to a patient. As the woman turned to speak with the secretary, I hugged my friend and we spoke briefly. At some point, I must have mentioned the name, FINDINGbalance.

Monday evening came and went. Only one woman showed up for the first Gathering. But her words and the relief in her voice affirmed to me that, yes, God is beginning this Gathering for a reason, and He wants me to do this.

Tuesday rolled around and I numbly stared at my computer. Finally, I was saved by the bell when my alarm announced it was time to get ready for an afternoon commitment. I left no words, no epiphany, no fresh, cunning article blinking on my screen. Maybe I have no business writing, no story to tell or message to share. 

Wednesday dawned menacingly. A whole day lay ahead, blocked in red on the calendar, specifically for writing. Again, I stared at the cursor mocking me from a brilliant white page. No words, no epiphany, no cunning story came to me. Resigned, I edited a few pieces and threw in the proverbial towel. Maybe God doesn’t intend for me to share my story, the hope for recovery from eating disorders through writing. 

At Target, I loaded my basket with excuses: Almond milk, tape, contact solution, coffee filters. In the express line, my eyes glazed over while I waited and my mind trumpeted its mantra, “No business doing this. No story. No purpose.”

Suddenly, a young girl with a face bright as sunshine stood inches from my elbow. “Hi,” she said. “You don’t know me and this may sound silly, but I ran into you at the therapist’s office the other day. I overheard you mention a website, FINDINGbalance, and I had to say thank you. It’s helped me so much!”

I stood flabbergasted. In the course of our brief, bubbly, empathetic conversation, she shared her personal struggles with me. In turn, I confessed to her my own history and then promised that God does heal, He is perfect and good and kind and He will set her free.

Her eyes shimmered. “I know! He is so good! I asked Him to let me see you again, just so I could say thank you. And He did!”

Lastly, she mentioned to me the article that she had read first on FINDINGbalance and told me how it had drawn her in. It was one of mine.

How complete God is. He extended hope to her at the same time encouraging me that He does indeed have good plans and a purpose for me.

RELATED:

Finding Balance With Food

Healthy Support Groups – What to Look For, video resource

Finding Treatment for Eating Issues, article resource