I graduated from treatment 10 years ago. By God’s grace, I have not had to go back. You would think I have it all together, but guess what? I don’t. I’m still a pilgrim on the journey. I am still a sinner in need of God’s mercy and healing.
True healing comes from God, I wrote in my journal recently during a time of soul searching.
But then I had to ask myself a question, Am I truly healed?
Almost immediately the answer came to me, and it was not from me, but from the still small voice of the Holy Spirit within me. Yes. You are healed. But you have a choice. You can choose which path to walk. You can choose to walk in life with Jesus, or you can choose to walk in death with anorexia.
And then I thought of Moses in the Old Testament, when he renewed God’s covenant with the Israelites and commanded them to obey God. “See, I set before you today life and prosperity, death and destruction,” he said (Deut. 30:15, NIV). “For I command you today to love the Lord your God, to walk in his ways, and to keep his commands, decrees and laws; then you will live and increase, and the Lord your God will bless you in the land you are entering to possess….Now choose life” (vv. 16, 19).
I really do have a choice. I can choose to exercise my freedom to obey God, or I can choose to exercise my freedom to pursue anorexia. With the former choice, I gain life, abundant, eternal life. With the latter choice, I gain nothing. I lose. I lose freedom to make choices. I lose freedom to enjoy life. I lose the freedom to live without bondage.
I choose you, Jesus. I choose you. Because I choose you, I must put aside my old self and walk in the newness of life you give (Rom. 6:4). That means eating well, resting and taking care of myself. I must pursue accountability, therapeutic intervention when necessary and a daily walk with God. This is the whole life, the life God has for me.
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