gen•u•ine [jen-yoo-in] adjective 1. possessing the claimed or attributed character, quality, or origin; not counterfeit; authentic; real.
I received a word the other day, someone’s description of me, that I am cherishing and holding close. That word was “genuine.” In my life’s journey, there is no sweeter word; it is my heart’s cry, and I can think of no higher compliment. It hasn’t always been this way.
Like many who have struggled with ED’s, for the majority of my past, I was anything but genuine. Controlling? Yes. Hiding? Definitely. Extremely manipulative? Most certainly. But genuine? No way.
My journey has brought me through the fire the last several years, being called out to be real. I believed for so long there was just something inherently wrong with me as a person, and I did everything I could to hide who I really was, begged God to change me into a different person, and tried to actually BE a different person. But God, in His infinite, compassionate grace, has been slowly and surely breaking away those beliefs. Who I am is beautiful. Instead of changing me into a different person, God has been changing me into more of me.
I believe this in my heart. But, in this new season of life, can I walk it out? Can I be okay with who I am, celebrate that even? Everything is new for me right now – I’m living in a new environment, with new people, new schedules, new expectations, new frustrations, and new relationships being built. This isn’t the first time I’ve made a huge life transition, but this time was different. I was faced with the choice of who I was going to be and how I was going to present myself to the world… And I decided I was just going to be me. Authentic. Genuine. And guess what? People like me! Just me. For me.
If I’m honest, part of me is still expecting the other shoe to drop. Expecting everyone to realize the mess they’ve made friends with and just leave. But that voice is getting smaller and smaller the more days I walk forward in authenticity. And God’s voice is getting louder… saying, “Well Done.”
Be genuine. Real, authentic, not counterfeit. Because it’s the real you that everyone truly loves.
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Krissy,
I can so relate to this. Back in my ED days my husband used to say to me, “I wish people could see the you that I see. They’d really like you.” These days, I think people get to experience more of the real me, and it is definitely gratifying. Thank you for voicing that struggle, which so many of us can relate to!
-cr