Picture time! And as someone who normally isn’t very excited about having her picture taken, I am excited today. I pick out my best new shirt, new jeans, and put on a little makeup…and then briefly debate whether or not I should wear heels to look taller – and leaner. Weird behavior for someone who is just taking a “baby bump” photo, right? Well, if you’re someone who has struggled with body issues for years, maybe not.
I’m four months pregnant with my first baby, and although it’s been a wonderful journey so far (except for fun symptoms like nausea, nasal congestion, and heartburn), for someone who has been through EDNOS, some days can be a real struggle.
I was diagnosed with EDNOS five years ago after losing a significant amount of weight in a really unhealthy fashion. I was responding negatively to a lot of other stress during that time, restricting calories and punishing myself for things happening in my life that were out of my control. Back then, it was a struggle to think about anything but numbers and measurements. It took a lot of work, but I’ve been at a healthy weight for a few years now and able to use better coping mechanisms than obsessing about food.
Sometimes it’s hard to imagine that I will get much, much bigger than I am now. Don’t get me wrong – I really am excited that my body knows what it’s doing. I’ve worked hard to enjoy my body’s changes.
But some days, like today, I just feel… fat.
My husband moves around the room, trying to find the best place for me to stand. He’s so excited. I get ready, place my hands under my growing belly, and breathe. I’m starting to get a bit anxious – how will I look? Will I be “all belly,” like all the Hollywood beauties? Or will I just look big again?
“I don’t have a double chin, do I?” I joke, then stop. Pregnancy is a time for celebrating my body and all it can do, I remember. And during pregnancy, it does a lot!
My husband takes the picture, and I take a look. I have a little bump, but it’s there! An opportunity to thank my body, not resent it. An opportunity to enjoy my belly, not worry so much about it.
An opportunity to celebrate!
Hi Christy,
I’m Eugene over at the +Parenting blog. Thanks for your honest reflections. And congratulations!
Hey Eugene!
Thanks for the congrats! We’re really excited about it. And congrats on your blog too, I’m excited to read more about the parenting aspect — what’ll happen pretty shortly for me! Haha. 🙂
awwww so happy for you i am 12 weeks pregnant 🙂
Hey Kaylee – let us know if you want to post here during pregnancy. Always looking for good content.
Hi Kaylee!
Congrats to you, too! 12 weeks is a really good time…out of your first trimester! What’s your favorite part of pregnancy so far? 🙂